29 things I am learning about myself (not all pretty)

As I have talked about before, I often use this blog as a journal.  Putting my thoughts out there to the cyber world, a melting pot of people I know and don't know; it feels scary good.  

To be totally honest, I always have felt like I was the last one to GET something or understand why somethings were or happen, in particular why I do or did certain things in certain situations.

The lifelong goal of trying to understand ME has been something that has equally fascinated me and frustrated me.  Add to personal growth, spiritual growth and growth in my marriage and life roles (daughter, mother, sister, etc.) and there's been alotta growin' goin' on!

Sometimes it is not pretty.  I do not like digging up the junk that is ME.  My past, my secrets, etc.

There are way, way, way more than 29 things that I have learned about myself in the past say, 10 years.  

For tonight, I want to highlight 29.  For each of these I am thankful I know.  For some, I am thankful I can be mindful and change and for others, I am glad it is the way it is.

Growth...it's good.

1. I am very competitive
2. A lot of negative choices I put on myself were reactions to situations that were outside of my control.
3. I should not feel guilty for the growing pains and mistakes that bring me to who I am today
4. "friends" is an interesting word, my friends can make my day but if they aren't true friends, they can do the opposite.  Don't force it.
5. It feels great to be open with fears and concerns with my husband.  He is a great listener
6. I love being surrounded by family
7. The best thing I could have ever done and will do is all wrapped up in two small beings, my kids
8. Constant growth in my faith is a great thing
9. Fear is a great motivator
10. Putting myself first is ok and does not make me selfish
11. I still have so many things I want to learn and that is healthy
12. Keeping common interests, goals and plans in a marriage is a huge key for success
13. I can be very stubborn
14. Things happen on their own time frame, not mine
15. Listen before you speak
16. I have a horrible temper, sometimes I show it sometimes I don't BUT it is still there
17. I am a giver
18. I am a people pleaser
19. I want everyone to like me
20. I love plans but equally LOVE flying by the seat of my pants - which makes things interesting
21. My family is my world
22. My love for my kids will never, ever stop growing.  For this, I am grateful
23. I do not like to loose control or not have control in a situation
24. I am still learning
25. I will never have all of the answers
26. Life is way more difficult than I ever realized
27. Hard times will come but it doesn't define you
28. Love is all you need, the rest is just perks
29. Just breathe

I know most of this won't make sense to all of you.  Each lesson has really taught me something.  I think everyone has opportunities that can be teachable moments.  If you can step away and see the big picture and take one thing away from it, you are coming out a better person.  At the end of the day, that is all that can be asked of us.  Things are crazy, life is crazy.  It is a roller coaster or events, emotions, obstacles and miracles.  I have had some of the hardest years of my life these past 10 years and as a 29 year old, I know that some of my hardest years are yet to come.  If I can remember to breathe, love, smile and learn; I will make it out just fine!