I'd only had the pleasure of meeting Cathy a few times, but she was always smiling and the stories I heard about her were full of joy and life, especially when it came to her children.
My parents went out to Alaska with my aunt and uncle in 2006 and Cathy made them feel so at home. She made a special dinner for my parents 20th wedding anniversary. The more I hear and learn about her and the more photos I see, breaks my heart a tiny bit more.
Her children were there yesterday when their boat sank, they fought to survive until they were rescued and then, they were rescued with their dad, only to witness their mom passing away.
I can't stop thinking about those three adorable kids. They have been on my mind all day and I can't stop thinking. Thinking about the horror they witnessed, how scared they must have been, thinking about her husband Scott and the helplessness he must have felt. I cried when I read the newspaper article today.
I want to do something for those kids to help ease their pain. The painful truth is, I can't. There are things in this life I can't fix. Worse, there are things in this life, I can't prevent or explain. Why did this beautiful, sweet, wonderful and caring mother get taken from her children when they still need her so much?
I am a woman of faith. One of the best things about faith is, in times of despair and in times of great sorrow, there is a light. It may be only a sliver of light in the grief you feel. But, sometimes a sliver is enough to carry you through.
Hearing of Cathy's death has me torn up inside. Not only for her kids and her husband, her mother and our family, but I am scared of my own fate.
What if? Why not me? If it happens to her, there is certainly no guarantee for any of us. It is a painful and terrifying truth. I don't like to think about it. The very thought scares me to my core.
My kids are my world. They are my life and purpose. My husband really is my best friend. He is my "go-to", my "rock", I was in love with him from early on and knew he was something incredibly special to me.
I know in my heart how much love I have for everyone and especially these three amazing people that have been sent to me, for me.
There are no words to express the fear I have that one day I wont be here to tell them how MUCH I love them. To remind them every single day, they are loved, they are special, they are important, they can do anything they want to and I will support them 100% no matter what. I want to show them things, help them with things, I want to be there on their special days. I want to build memories with my kids and laugh with them as they grow. I want them to remember the love their daddy and I had and know that we are a family, all of us together and nothing can change that.
I know every mother has these same fears. The truth is, we can't guarantee we will see our kids through some of lifes biggest milestones, tomorrow is NOT promised for anyone. When it is your time, it is your time. I don't like to say there is no rhyme or reason, because I believe there is. But, no matter what your belief, it's hard to understand.
I vow today to do a few things differently, they may sound emotional, depressing or like an over reaction, but it is all that I can do to control what little control I have.
I will sit down and write a letter to each of my kids. If something should happen, please look for them.
Please show them this post.
PLEASE call them every so often, not just on birthdays or holidays and not via email or social media, call them and just share a memory, a story, tell them I love them and would be SO proud of them. Do this for their WHOLE life, not just while the hurt is fresh.
Please force them (wink wink) to look through my scrapbooks. It is the ONLY way they will get a glimpse of the love I share for them and all of the amazing moments that we made together. It is why I scrap, those are some of the moments I cherished the most and they can relive them that way.
Please pray with them and for them. Pray for their comfort and strength, their health and wellness, their spirit and their faith.
Never stop thinking of them and make sure they know that. Be a community of moms for them and remind them they were my world and I will see them again one day.
When I was pregnant with Blake I hear this song and knew it is the message I want to pass on them...
Selfishly, I hope I never have to go through what Cathy went through, I hope I never have to leave my kids before I am ready, I hope I can be there to see everything. I also vow to live intentionally and know that every day is a gift.
Cathy, even in your passing people are learning to love. You were an amazing women and I am sure you are dancing in heaven and watching your kids. Love and miss you!
I'm so sorry, Kendra. Things like this just don't make sense this side of heaven. She'd be proud that her tragic death is serving a purpose, even if it's just in the life one person (you!) - and in turn, your kids.
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