Learning about your child's temperment

Today, I knew we had a MOPS speaker and I knew I had a 5 page questionnaire to fill out prior to the meeting, but I wasn't really sure what the topic was; boy was I in for a treat!

Our speaker was an older man from New Zealand, his accent was AWESOME and he was probably one of the best speakers I have ever heard!  I wanted to bottle him up and take him home to help me raise my kiddos (or at least have me laughing while doing it)!  Oh, his name?  Ray W. Lincoln.  You should really check out his literature (I will talk more on that later) and I have already liked him on Facebook, signed up for his newsletter and bought his book!  Have I mentioned it was a GREAT presentation?!

You can find his blog, picture and more info HERE and I encourage you to answer his questionnaire about your kiddo HERE

I sat down last night and filled out the temperament questionnaire for both myself and my kids.  Now, Piper is a bit young and it was hard to answer a lot of the questions for her.  I am still learning her and all of her quirks (one of which is a fear of pooping on the potty, but we will save that for another post).  When I read the title "Your child's temperament" and started answering about Blake, I laughed.  Man, oh man, I was excited to learn more about this kiddo.  He has had me scratching my head since day 1!  In fact, as we listened to our speaker talk about kids temperaments and how  they are innate and all part of how God made each one of us unique to what his purpose for us is, he said "in fact, nurses notice these traits and study them right from birth".  I am almost certain my jaw dropped!  The FIRST thing the nurses said to me after putting Blake on my belly was "wow, he goes from nothing to 10 in seconds ( as he was screaming his head off and purple) and not the cute newborn cry that is normal after birth either...what I know now, it was a typical Blake meltdown and the nurses (who experience these births everyday, noted his reaction and we all saw a first glimpse of his temperament).  What is so crazy funny is, as I have talked to my close friends, our pediatrician  etc. about Blake and how I can help him, I have often mentioned that as my way to reaffirm what I see!  "Even the nurses said so right after he was born and he let out his first cry".  I have said it half jokingly, but also half serious as I have been given a very strong little bugger to figure out and parent!

SO, I finished my questionnaire last night and went this morning ready to hear all about Blake.  I know people have done these temperament questionnaires before, I love the whole idea of learning about US.  What makes us work, tick, click, what makes sense.  And, ever since I had kids, I have a mission of learning as a parent how to better help them.  I second guess everything because I want to be the best parent I can for them, for them I want to be perfect.

Blake was a very early and strong speaker from the beginning, but things like sharing were way harder for him to learn than other kiddos.  Certain things have to be a certain way....his way.  It was/is hard to parent a kid with such an incredible strong will.  As hard as it is for me, some of these obstacles are impossible for him and more than anything, I don't want to stifle who he is.  A lot of times as parents, we don't know what the heck we are doing.  I get that.  I know each kiddo can be drastically different.  I get that.  I want to be the best momma and provide the best family environment for my kids so they can grow up and be who they already are.  Sounds kinda weird, but I know my kids were created to be something amazing (all of them are) and I am constantly worried I am interfering with them in an effort to make them be more like me or what is more convenient for me.  

I have watched Blake have a hard time with a few certain relationships in his life.  The other people in those relationships have not taken the time to learn who Blake is and adjust their methods of communication or interaction with him.  If he has a "blakeism", they try to stifle it.  I know it can be inconvenient, embarrassing  frustrating.  But, I also know, if you actually listen, he has a plan and a reason why he doesn't agree with you and the crazy part is, he has things pretty well figured out and he can make sense more times than not!  When you try to bend him to fit your mold, he will retaliate.  If you take the time to explain and help him see how or why, he will oblige.  Now of course, he is still 4 and there are some things he still needs help understanding and reasoning, but the everyday stuff, he has a huge understanding of.

So, today as the speaker started to unravel the 4 types of temperaments and what their traits look like, it was like he had been spying on me and Blake for years.  

Now that I know Blake's temperament, I am faced with finding ways to really help him be understood.  Today, I bought Ray's book I'm a Keeper.  I can not wait to read it and learn more!  I promise I will write a follow up post about things I have tried and if it has worked.  

So, I will work on that but for those of you who asked more specifically about this speaker and these ideas here ya go:

Ray expressed the importance of getting to know your kids.  Parents don't bond with the kiddos, kids are the ones who actually form a bond with their parents and that happens as soon as they feel comfortable, safe, understood.  

Ray was filled with facts, all of which I can not remember (darn it) BUT, once you take the questionnaire (posted above), let me know your kiddos temperament code and I will give you the description that Ray told us...I am also totally open to sharing this book once I am done reading it.  

Your kids temperament affects how they feel, how they see themselves, how they see you, how they are treated, how they learn, how they love.  He had stories today about seriously angry kiddos that were just being misunderstood by their parents.  He talked about suicide rates and serious discipline issues that were a result of parents not really knowing their kids inner makeup.  I am telling ya, he is on to something and what he said really made sense!  

There is NO way I can even come close to sharing what he shared with us today, to have it make sense, and give you the support he gave BUT, if you choose to do the questionnaire and learn more about your kiddos, I will help you get answers to any of the questions that come up.  His book addresses all 4 types and how to better parent them - I promise I will share!  Kids are the most complex organism out there and we are trying to raise them...I am woman enough to admit, I want as much help in that area as possible!

**For those of you that have kiddos with ADHD, Ray has a whole section devoted to that!  I was in awe listening to him talk about how common ADHD is prescribed and how it is being misused in, not all, but most cases.  If you have some of his parenting tips and you understand your kids inner kinetics  you can help them more than a drug ever could.** He shared success stories with us today and I would just encourage you to read it and try it before you just get medication. 

I don't think he has some "magic infomercial" about parenting and I certainly don't think he is just another parenting advice author...I think he has studied this and knows what he is talking about and is sharing his knowledge to help kids be more understood.  The more understood they are, the better job we have done.  We are all different, that makes us great!

Welp, off to read ;)