Almost three weeks ago, hubby and I were sitting watching a show and an Amber Alert came on about a 10 year old missing girl from 100th& Wads. That is freakin' close to our house and instantly my heart sunk. Then, as the days went on we learned that there was a huge time gap from when she went missing to when police were notified due to her mom working overnight. We began to see picture after picture of her all over the news. With every picture, my heart sunk further, my prayers got more frequent and my gut instinct grew more and more sober. I knew statistically what the outcome "should" have been, but I was hoping and praying against all hope and prayers that this sweet girl could come home safe to her family.
Like many others, I questioned the parents at first. I think I was trying to justify that surely there must be a miscommunication or situation that would lead this to be. I know that statistically it is often someone within the family or someone who knew the victim and therefore, police have to take certain measures. When the family was cleared and we watched their interview with 9news, my heart grew heavier. It wasn't going to get better and I knew that.
Tuesday morning, I was touched by an amazing sense of community as I sat at MOPS and prayed, got teary, and rallied together to get as many purple ribbons as we could together for Jessica's vigil. We were ALL moms in that room. I had a stirring in my heart to go to the vigil. To be surrounded by others that had been touched by this sweet girl. To be reminded, yet again, there is far more good than evil. And, admittedly to give the BIG FAT finger to whoever was responsible for this and show him I wasn't scared!
I was at church on Wednesday Oct. 10th and all of the sudden I got the news that a body had been found at some park I had never even heard of in Arvada (which is crazy as a native). Again I went to that weird place where I knew it was her, I knew that it all made sense based on the recent activity and recent information but I was hoping against hope that just this once it would be wrong. It wouldn't be her. Then, I realized that no matter what someones life had been lost.
After part of the body was discovered, I was overtook with total and complete fear. I learned details I wish I had never learned. Ever since that day, I have locked my car twice, I have closed all of our blinds earlier in the evening, I have kept our monitors for the kids up louder so I will hear even the slightest sound, I have looked over my shoulder and shamefully, I have judged so many times total and complete strangers I passed on the street. I even called in a tip of a man that looked "stressed" and wouldn't make eye contact with me. Our community has been changed by this. I have never been so rocked by an event. It was easily the most gruesome thing I have ever heard of and it was right in our own backyard! The body was found very close to my moms house where I grew up and Blakes preschool. Jessica lived in a neighborhood where I have sold many homes and have family that live there now. I think I have shook my head more times in these past few weeks than I ever have in my life. These are things I just can not comprehend. I can't process. I have had a very hard time as a mother. I have played the "what if" and "why her" game over and over.
Looking back, there have been blessings though too and since I can't even begin to understand the bad, maybe focusing on the good will help...
I have watched a community come together more than ever before. I have had the opportunity to talk to my kids about strangers and things they can do to protect themselves, although I pray they never have to deal with that. Because he has confessed and is now in custody, her parents will never have to live another day not knowing who took their daughter. The family has been cleared of all doubt and are now the center of so many prayers and so much love. A gymnastics program is being opened in Jessica's name. She wanted more than anything to be a cheerleader and now, that legacy will live on. It sounds like the police were told today some very important details and I have no doubt he will be tried as an adult and punished to the fullest extent of the law. I have seen moms come together and unite. I have seen dads do the same. As horrible as finding the body was, it lead us one step closer to finding her killer. I am relieved to learn that she did not suffer as I had pictured in my mind. I am glad that her mom sleeping and not hearing the call would not have made much of a difference and now the mom can (hopefully) feel less guilt. I know that God has answered many prayers and will continue to do so and that is the biggest blessing of all.
Sadly, it sounds like Jessica's killer had a very rough childhood. He is only 17 years old and to think that he could do what was done to her....shocks me. He was bullied. Bullying has to stop! Why can't we understand that the words that come out of our mouths can make or break someone? As HARD as it was, tonight I prayed for him too.
I will pray for the killers family just as much as I will for Jessica's family! They are both victims here. I both commend and cry for the killers mom, who ultimately had to listen to her son confess the worst of all possible sins, learn that he did unthinkable and unimaginable things and in the end, she turned him in to "do the right thing" which ironically, was the worst possible thing for her own child. I pray that she doesn't have guilt and she can find some peace and comfort.
It is easy to go to a place of hate and anger. I admit, I completely go there in my mind. I can think of several things that should be done to this boy. BUT, in Jessica's honor, lets keep is positive. Let's remember that peace and love really do go farther than hate and anger. Our system will prosecute him and ultimately he will have to pay for what he did. If you find yourself being angry, find a picture of Jessica and just smile at the beautiful girl she was...don't think about the monster that he is. Don't give him that credit. Don't go to a negative place because it betters nobody.
And, one more thought..all about the Thanks
I want to do something to thank all of the law enforcement agents and police men and women who worked tirelessly on this case. It is their job yes, but they worked night and day to do everything they could to make sure Justice was served. It isn't logical to take them flowers, food, gifts. What I really want to do is hug each and every one of them, but that isn't really logical either. SO - what can we do? Let's FLOOD their mailbox with thank yous! I mean FLOOD! I am going to write a few tonight. Let's show them that we as a community are appreciative. We will not stand for evil and we realize that without them, this justice wouldn't have been served. Here is their address: 9110 Yates St. Westminster, CO 80031. Will you join me?
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